Karen is a very intelligent woman who lost her father to suicide when she was seven. She has suffered with depression and suicidal feelings most of her life, but has persevered to become extremely successful. But her greatest success is that of being an extremely caring, sensitive, and wonderful mother to her very special daughter.
Karen is going through a particularly stressful time in her life and is suffering from clinical depression and suicidal thoughts, but she is getting help.
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Karen, you are a GREAT mother and your daughter is very lucky to have such a wonderful mother as you…and beyond that you are an amazing person who is truly one of the most special people on the planet.
I love you,
Kevin Caruso
I am a Burden:
My Daughter Would be Better off Without Me
by Karen, and Kevin Caruso
I am what most people would call a successful woman. I have a lovely daughter, an MBA, a good job, a nice house, some nice cars, I am financially secure, and I believe that I am relatively intelligent.
But I have been divorced two times, went through a horrible child custody battle, have struggled with clinical depression and suicidal feelings most of my life, and have been on and off antidepressants for as long as I can remember. And my father killed himself when I was seven.
I believe that I would have killed myself years ago if I did not have a daughter. I want to be able to help her as she grows up, to teach her about life, to be her shoulder to cry on when she is sad. But now I am thinking that she will be better off without me.
I am having too many problems with my own life, so I do not think I will be able to guide her or support her through her difficulties. I also cause many problems for her because of my mercurial emotional states. I am thus a burden to her and think that it would be best to relieve her of my presence.
To be totally honest, I must admit that I have failed my daughter and she will have countless problems when she is older because of me. She has needed me many times and I could not comfort her because I was too depressed. I am thus a complete failure as a mother and I realize without any doubt that she would be better off without me.
I also believe that she would be better off living with her father instead of being tossed back and forth between the two of us. The divorce was very messy and I have many unresolved and confused feelings. If I take myself out of the picture, my daughter’s life will be better. I am sure of that.
And now my ex is getting married, and the woman she is marrying is really beautiful, which causes me great distress. But she has two daughters, so my daughter would be best off in that family, instead of our family (with just the two of us), where she must live with a confused, depressed and suicidal “professional” woman, who is entirely incompetent as a mother.
And on a personal level, I feel that the few good days that I have are not worth the innumerable bad days that I am plagued with. I do not have that many good days, so I am tired of this existence.
I have tried dating, but I just cannot get it together. I don’t think I could ever get married again because my depression causes too many problems. And I am less and less able to handle stress. I dated a man for a few months, but I oftentimes asked him to repeat things he would say to me because I was so stressed that I actually could not process what he was talking about, which made me even more depressed. I told him that I was stressed out and he understood, but I just couldn’t keep dating him because each date caused me to become more anxious and stressed. I had to break off our relationship before it ever really got going.
I do see a psychiatrist and take medication, but I must confess that I am very scared and worried about my life and the direction in which I seem to be heading.
If you or someone you know is suicidal, please go to the Home Page of this website for immediate help.
Thank you.
I love you.
Take care,
Kevin Caruso
